Into The Wind

Finding a way to live life.

Eastern Promises

Earlier this year I came into contact with a few people in the film business who lived near Pittsburgh, PA. I had planned to take a week in November after the wedding and fly up to discuss opportunities available in the area. Not wanting to leave Lisa right after our mini-moon we decided to spend the money and buy her a ticket too. She had never been and was excited to see a part of the United States she hadn’t seen. After October passed and the wedding day came and went in November, I decided to fly to Pittsburgh in December. I packed a suitcase, the laptop, and Lisa’s ashes, which are locked in a blue jewelry box. I arrived in Pittsburgh later that evening after almost missing my plane in Dallas. They ran my backpack and Lisa’s box through security twice and even got out a residue kit. As soon as I was done with security they called my name on the intercom and told me I had 2 minutes left before they closed the boarding doors. Luckily it was gate 4 and a quick hustle got me on in time. My father met me at the airport in Pennsylvania.

Today I woke up in Pennsylvania for the first time in 21 years. As a child I lived in the Allentown area for four years and tomorrow I visit some of my childhood memories. Today I was able to visit some local eateries and the University of Pittsburgh campus. I went to a hotdog joint, a pub, and Heinz Memorial Chapel. The hotdogs were decent, the beer was likable, and the chapel was gorgeous. Being non-religious, I was quite surprised and delighted to see some uncommon stained glass residents including Sir Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, and Emily Dickinson.

It’s nice here. Even in winter when the leaves fallen and the sky is grey, it is still a beautiful place. I wish Lisa was here to see it, but she can’t. Like every night, I turn off the lights, hold her box of ashes close to my heart, and fall asleep.


The Nature Of A Day (Part 1)

This week I was delivered my new mattress. The older one I shared with Lisa became victim to dog urine during the time I was staying with Lisa at the hospital. Apparently, I forgot to tell the dog’s babysitters to shut the door. Anyway, I no longer have to sleep on the blowup mattress I’ve used for the last month and a half. I have a cat, so because she often scampered across it, it became necessary for me to blow it back up during the middle of every night. People will often ask why I have holes in some of my shirts. I tell them I have a cat.

Just in case it rains in the house...

Just in case it rains in the house…

So today I got up from my new bed and realized I had slept 2 hours past when I had planned to wake up. Recently, i’ve tried to be good about waking up between 7am and 8am. No such luck today. After taking a shower and getting dressed, I took the laptop and headed to a local coffee house I walked to in about five minutes. I looked up tree seed prices and took notes in a notebook which had been collecting dust and only had 3 pages of writing. Often during the school sales I stock up on notebooks and folders I most likely will never use, despite my nieve goals to have them filled out and coffee stained by the end of the year. So there I sat at the coffee house sipping some sort of Mexican blend and surrounded by students from the university which was across the street. I have to admit that visiting coffee shops and hearing talk of classes and dreams is comforting. Having graduated years ago, I often find myself day dreaming about going back, learning, and meeting new people. I waited at the coffee shop for something to happen. I really don’t know what, just anything. Maybe someone would sit next to me and ask a question about directions, or my t-shirt, or anything. I finished my coffee and browsed the internet. Maybe I should be the one to ask someone a question. Maybe they were like me, waiting for something to happen, anything. I looked to my right, two seats down a guy was on his laptop. He noticed me looking his way and scooted away from me. Okay then, not a good way to start a conversation. I glanced around the shop. There was a pretty girl by herself. What would I say to her? Hi, I’m David. Is it alright if I sit next to you? Well that might work if there weren’t other tables open. Hi, I’m David. I saw you sitting by yourself and I was was also by myself and figured why not just sit together. That might work. After being in a serious relationship for 8 years, and despite me just looking for new friends, talking to new girls is like doing backflips through a mine field, and I can’t do backflips. Last thing I would want would be awkward silence. Even though I knew I should just go talk to her, I didn’t. I packed my computer, zipped up my bag, thanked the barista, and walked out the door. Five minutes later I was back at home. I checked my email, inspected my plants, fed the animals, and waited for inspiration to kick me in the teeth.

I don’t want to spend my days alone, unexcited, uninspired, and not doing the things I know I should be doing. This is part of why I want to take a long trip to new places, why I want to feel life again, and why…I need something to happen. If I look back on my life and see nothing but should haves and could haves, I will have wasted it. Lisa never had the chance to see her dreams through. I still have that chance and not taking it would be letting us both down.

Big Bend, The First Goal

So I have spent some time trying to figure out which direction to start the trip. I know friends and family who live out west so from the DFW area I have concluded that going west along I-20 would be the best possible start. I would be hitting up Odessa and Abilene before hitting my first real goal, Big Bend. I have stayed at the national park a handful of times before (although never on my own) and have always greatly enjoyed my time there.

Thanks !

The scenery in Big Bend is amazing, the wildlife abundant, and the hiking is self-fulfilling. I’ve been eyeing the Chisos Basin as my campground of choice. Since I’ll most likely be spending a night in the car (maybe two) during the drive to west Texas, a good sleep in a tent will be welcome. It will also be a great place to take some beautiful photos.

The Transportation (A Quick Look)

At this point I’ve decided to use my 2002 Taurus as my mode of transportation. It’s going to be a very small space to live, but I believe I can manage. I won’t be taking much besides essentials so the inside will remain roomy and I should be able to sleep on the back seat if I need to.

In December, I will take the car down to San Antonio and have it inspected and do any maintenance. Luckily, I have access to AAA in case I run into car trouble (which is most likely). I have to clear the trunk out and set in some drawers in the back to hold my clothes and other items I will take. The trunk will also be home to camping equipment. There should still be an abundant amount of room.

I have thought a bit about other means of transportation, but currently I am not interested in buying a new vehicle unless I obtain more money (depends on mpg too) and feel confidant in my ability to  maintain the vehicle. We shall see.

An Unplanned Journey

There comes a time in a person’s life when everything changes. This change can be for the better or for the worse. In my case I have had my life upturned twice. The first time was when I realized my fiancee was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. All the plans I had for a career and the way I was going to live became second to our life together. We wanted to explore the world together and raise a family. The second time my life was upturned was when she died in my arms one month before our wedding day. I can’t find it in myself to take life seriously any more. I exist but I don’t live. I’ve decided I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trapped in such a state of mind.

For the last month I have often thought about our plans to see the world together. I don’t have the money to travel out side of the United States, but I do have the means to travel inside it. Next year I will take two months away from my current life and travel my car across the country. I will take Lisa’s ashes with me and document the trip. I need a life changing moment to rescue myself from a life where I don’t live.

I plan on experiencing every state and visiting parks, places of historical significant, festivals, and getting to know new people. By the end of December I will have made plans for the pets and how I will pay for the apartment while I am gone. At this point I am not ready to leave give up the place I spent my last days with Lisa.

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