This week I was delivered my new mattress. The older one I shared with Lisa became victim to dog urine during the time I was staying with Lisa at the hospital. Apparently, I forgot to tell the dog’s babysitters to shut the door. Anyway, I no longer have to sleep on the blowup mattress I’ve used for the last month and a half. I have a cat, so because she often scampered across it, it became necessary for me to blow it back up during the middle of every night. People will often ask why I have holes in some of my shirts. I tell them I have a cat.
So today I got up from my new bed and realized I had slept 2 hours past when I had planned to wake up. Recently, i’ve tried to be good about waking up between 7am and 8am. No such luck today. After taking a shower and getting dressed, I took the laptop and headed to a local coffee house I walked to in about five minutes. I looked up tree seed prices and took notes in a notebook which had been collecting dust and only had 3 pages of writing. Often during the school sales I stock up on notebooks and folders I most likely will never use, despite my nieve goals to have them filled out and coffee stained by the end of the year. So there I sat at the coffee house sipping some sort of Mexican blend and surrounded by students from the university which was across the street. I have to admit that visiting coffee shops and hearing talk of classes and dreams is comforting. Having graduated years ago, I often find myself day dreaming about going back, learning, and meeting new people. I waited at the coffee shop for something to happen. I really don’t know what, just anything. Maybe someone would sit next to me and ask a question about directions, or my t-shirt, or anything. I finished my coffee and browsed the internet. Maybe I should be the one to ask someone a question. Maybe they were like me, waiting for something to happen, anything. I looked to my right, two seats down a guy was on his laptop. He noticed me looking his way and scooted away from me. Okay then, not a good way to start a conversation. I glanced around the shop. There was a pretty girl by herself. What would I say to her? Hi, I’m David. Is it alright if I sit next to you? Well that might work if there weren’t other tables open. Hi, I’m David. I saw you sitting by yourself and I was was also by myself and figured why not just sit together. That might work. After being in a serious relationship for 8 years, and despite me just looking for new friends, talking to new girls is like doing backflips through a mine field, and I can’t do backflips. Last thing I would want would be awkward silence. Even though I knew I should just go talk to her, I didn’t. I packed my computer, zipped up my bag, thanked the barista, and walked out the door. Five minutes later I was back at home. I checked my email, inspected my plants, fed the animals, and waited for inspiration to kick me in the teeth.
I don’t want to spend my days alone, unexcited, uninspired, and not doing the things I know I should be doing. This is part of why I want to take a long trip to new places, why I want to feel life again, and why…I need something to happen. If I look back on my life and see nothing but should haves and could haves, I will have wasted it. Lisa never had the chance to see her dreams through. I still have that chance and not taking it would be letting us both down.